The disorder…

Anxiety, depression, panic, manic, sexy, artistic, beautiful, self love

Okay, so there was a lot of planning for this one. I had an idea that manifested into something bigger… I will get into it now!! So it’s Saturday night and I have confirmation from all 4 models that they will be there. Of course I have my worries but I’m super excited as I get ready for bed. Yes, tomorrow, September 23rd… I WILL be creating something awesome with 4 amazing people!! I lay down to sleep and my mind is racing. I get it under control and I drift off to sleep. About an hour later, I wake up!! I was having a dream about a photo shoot and everything was going wrong. I gather myself and try to fall back to sleep, it isn’t working too well as my thoughts are racing again. My anxiety starts to spike. I finally get it calmed down and drift back off to sleep. By this point it is about 3:00 AM. I have my alarm set for 6:30. I jolt out of bed with another dream about the photo shoot going wrong and immediately think, I’m late!!! Nope, it’s 5:30!! 🤣 So I lay there for a few minutes and well, my anxiousness kicks in and I decide to get up. I figure out my clothing situation and head towards the shower. By the time I get to the shower, my chest is tight and I’m having a hard time breathing. WTF!! All of the doubts start flooding my mind, should I go through with this? I cry a few tears in the shower but I fight through all of it. I get done showering and I’m feeling okay.

I get dressed and finish packing thing for the day. I’m felling anxious but I keep my mind busy packing the car and verifying all the things that I’ll need. Of course I was running early, I sit down for a minute and make a couple posts. I send a message to the group on messenger. I also post to my Instagram story ❤ Minutes later, I hear from Skyler!! Oh yes, this is happening and I’m getting excited again. The second person to message me is Teresa. Oh yes, the excitement builds a little more. I have 2 of 4 and I may be dancing a little while I head to the car. I want to be at Victoria’s to pick her up at 8:30 and it’s a 45 minute drive. I also like to give myself a little bit so I can stop for a soda 😋 So i hit the road at 7:25. My nerves were going crazy but this was good. I’m eager to make this happen.

So I’m heading towards Victoria and I see a message from Kristen. Heck yeah, that’s 3 of 4 and I’m dancing in my car a little, the excitement builds. I shoot a message to Bob and verify things are still good with him. He messages back and we are good. Things are falling into place. I see a message come into the group and it’s Victoria!!! Well then, I don’t know how to explain all of the excitement I’m feeling at this point. I let out a big FUCK YEAH!! I’m crazy excited and I’m shaking a little. I am driving so I’m not glued to my phone. I do keep up with the messages though. Everyone in the group is talking about being nervous and such. The idea for the shoot is just that. The anxiety, the depression, the panic and also the manic. I was in a manic state once I heard from everyone. Everyone involved was having the same feelings.

I get up to Janesville and Victoria asked if I could get her some lashes. Well yeah, that’s why I wanted to be a little early, so I can run errands. I get lashes and head to her house. 😁 My nerves have calmed by this point and I go to the door. I don’t see any movement so I ring the doorbell. John comes to the door and lets me in. Victoria is in the shower so I wait patiently!! Well, the best I can because the excitement is building again. I may be smiling like a crazy person while I’m waiting. She comes out of the bathroom and well the excitement builds again. It’s really starting to hit me that this is really happening. I talk with Victoria as she gets her makeup on and finishes her hair. At this point I’m on top of the world!! Lets do this thing!!

I get a message from Skyler that she is on her way. Victoria and I wrap things up and get on the road as well. Victoria and I connect like we always do. Our conversation was perfect and my heart was filled with joy. I’m eager to get to Bennie’s!! As Victoria and I show up, I see that Skyler is there. I call the Bob and verify he is inside. Well yeah he is, lets grab all the things and bring them in. I get upstairs and take a breath… I say to myself, WOW. Victoria and Skyler catch up and my mind goes into work mode. More so than normal. This is a big task but I know we can do this, I have all the faith!! Kristen messages that she is there, we did leave her hanging for a minute but we got her inside. There is one more. The one that had to drive the furthest!! Oh yes, Teresa shows up about 10 minutes later ❤ Well, everyone has has made it!!! 🤘 Again, MY HEART IS FILLED WITH JOY!!

Let’s start wrapping people!! Kristen is ready and I get the wraps on her. Perfect!! Who is next? Well, it’s Victoria. I get her wrapped up and things are going smooth. Now for Skyler. I continue wrapping!! Teresa, lets do this!! With everyone wrapped up we figure out the word situation. Okay!! I’m loving the feel of this and all of them look amazing!! Yeah, YOU ARE ALL ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!! Lets take some test shots and get this thing going. Oh wait, we need some foods!!! Lets get that ordered and on its way. We decide on Jimmy Johns, should be easy right? Nope!! The one around the corner is closed and I didn’t see it on DoorDash. 🤣 So I find my own dasher!!! I call my mom and ask her to run an errand for me. Thank you mom for kicking ass for me!!

We get into shooting and all goes really well, everyone is working perfect together. I had the thought of entering the shoot as well. Oh yes, I had too!! It just made sense!! They were portraying my emotions. Well theirs tooooo. Looking back to the morning, all of us were experiencing most of these things. I had even asked during the photo shoot, who was anxiety right now? Everyone raised their hand but Victoria. We work through these issues every minute of every day!! We can’t stop doing amazing things because our brain says hide under the covers, don’t open the door, don’t answer the phone or even worse. We continue pushing ourselves for greatness!! I see it in EVERY person standing in that room yesterday. WE ARE ALL AMAZING!!

Food shows up so we take a break. Everyone heads to the couches to get the food in the bellies!! I sit on the floor first and I take a breath… I still can’t believe how amazing this is. Victoria asks why I’m on the floor? Well, I really don’t know!! The joy really hit me again!! I felt a bunch of love in that room, and I will never forget that!

I had a couple more ideas!! I was running out of energy though. You got this Mic!! So I grab some tubs from downstairs. I get everyone situated in the tubs. We had some laughs and I pick on Skyler a little bit. We continue on and all goes well. I’m sweating like a crazy person but it is all worth it. Now exhaustion is kicking in. Also Victoria is not felling the best. It’s time to wrap things up!!! We do just that. As we all gather our things my mind is on getting Victoria home. We give quick sweaty hugs and head out!!

With a little confusion, I get Victoria home. By this point she is feeling slightly better. Victoria asks to see some images. Well yeah!! Lets dump these things and see what we created!!!! Pushing my computer, I’m dumping and selecting images. I’m really happy!!! I’m asking Victoria what ones she likes as well. There were some really good ones! I quickly edit a few and send them to the group! I take a breath and think, this day could not be any better!! I was able to create amazing things with amazing people and now I’m sitting on the couch with the one that melts my heart. ❤ I will cherish this day forever!

I love all of you and I’m soooo very proud of everyone yesterday!! We didn’t allow our fears and depression to stop us from creating!!! KEEP PUSHING FOR GREATNESSSSS 🤘

Anxiety, depression, panic, manic, sexy, artistic, beautiful, self love

Anxiety, depression, panic, manic, sexy, artistic, beautiful, self love

Anxiety, depression, panic, manic, sexy, artistic, beautiful, self love

Anxiety, depression, panic, manic, sexy, artistic, beautiful, self love

Anxiety, depression, panic, manic, sexy, artistic, beautiful, self love

Anxiety, depression, panic, manic, sexy, artistic, beautiful, self love

Anxiety, depression, panic, manic, sexy, artistic, beautiful, self love

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